Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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