Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
