I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
