He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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