I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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