Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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