like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
