why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
