saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
