omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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