Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
