If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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