btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
