he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
