So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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