Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
