Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Two words: blizzard sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
