omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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