Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
