Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
