Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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