apparently the secret to your success is patron
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
