he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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