dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
