So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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