Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
