I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
only you would photoshop your dick
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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