Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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