Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
