Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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