I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
