Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
two words...techno handjob
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
