i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
