Screwed.edu
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
