I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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