I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this boner is exhausting
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
