im holly from the hills drunk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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