Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
