my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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