I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
