Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
