I wish I could teleport
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
