It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
