Your mouth is God's brothel.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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