Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
