no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
