thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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