The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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