Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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