True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
