You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
